One of the “joy” of being an adult is that we get to make a decision based on what we really want and believe in, without the interference of others. But, is that really true? Friends and family, moreover the society, really loves to shadow and push their opinion on others, with justified reason of “it’s for your own good”.
The most common pestering from society is on marriage and starting a family. Whether you just got married, or have been for quite some time and starting to think about expanding the family, it should be in your consideration alone, not others. The downfall when you take what’s ideal for others or in society is that it won’t only make you unsatisfied, and possibly unhappy, with your life, but also potentially create a toxic environment in your household.
Recognising The Reasons to Have Kids
For most, specifically in Asia, people get married because it opens up the gate to producing heirs or offsprings. So, it’s safe to say that once people get married, children are expected just shortly after the union. However, one of the major concern to this is if the newlyweds ready to have children. This is important to think about as it will have an impact to whether or not the parents put the child first.
There are numerous reasons why people have kids, which some of the most common ones are:
- Family/peer pressure
- To bring the couple closer together
- For companionship during old age
- Encouraged by religion/culture
- Love children & want to be a good parent
Whatever encouragement is for the couples to have children, make sure that it is for the right reasons. This means that children should never be brought into the world because the parents need love, or to solve a problem. Moreover, children should be born to people who want to spread their love, who see raising a child as the next big adventure in their life, and who are committed to the idea that families are an important and valuable part of living fully.
Testing and Determining Parenting Readiness
Recognising that the couple’s desire to have children is for all the right reasons would be the first step in making sure that the child will have the parents best interests. In order to follow the effort in seeking the child’s welfare, the couple needs to assess their parenting readiness. Some of the most important questions that the couple needs to answer to determine their readiness are:
1. Is your relationship stable?
Every relationship takes a fair amount of neglect during the first year of a child’s life. Both parents are stretched by too little sleep, more financial demands, and less time for each other. This is normal — If the relationship is solid, the couple will both take it in stride. But if each person in the relationship aren’t really committed, can’t communicate, or don’t know how to work as a team, the usual responsibilities of baby care may stress the relationship to the max.
2. Are you prepared to put someone else’s needs ahead of your own?Once a baby is in the picture, the freedom to do things as one’s wish will become rarer. Babies need a predictable schedule, and they need full attention. If the choice is to stay home with a teething baby or to go to a party, the child needs the parent to say no to the party without a second thought. The child’s needs for comfort and attention should be far more important than the parents desire to get out of the house.