One of the “joy” of being an adult is that we get to make a decision based on what we really want and believe in, without the interference of others. But, is that really true? Friends and family, moreover the society, really loves to shadow and push their opinion on others, with justified reason of “it’s for your own good”.
The most common pestering from society is on marriage and starting a family. Whether you just got married, or have been for quite some time and starting to think about expanding the family, it should be in your consideration alone, not others. The downfall when you take what’s ideal for others or in society is that it won’t only make you unsatisfied, and possibly unhappy, with your life, but also potentially create a toxic environment in your household.
Recognising The Reasons to Have Kids
For most, specifically in Asia, people get married because it opens up the gate to producing heirs or offsprings. So, it’s safe to say that once people get married, children are expected just shortly after the union. However, one of the major concern to this is if the newlyweds ready to have children. This is important to think about as it will have an impact
There are numerous reasons why people have kids, which some of the most common ones are:
- Family/peer pressure
- To bring the couple closer together
- For companionship during old age
- Encouraged by religion/culture
- Love children & want to be a good parent
Whatever encouragement is for the couples to have children, make sure that it is for the right reasons. This means that children should never be brought into the world because the parents need love, or to solve a problem. Moreover, children should be born to people who want to spread their love, who see raising a child as the next big adventure in their life, and who are committed to the idea that families are an important and valuable part of living fully.
Testing and Determining Parenting Readiness
Recognising that the couple’s desire to have children is for all the right reasons would be the first step in making sure that the child will have the parents best interests. In order to follow the effort in seeking the child’s welfare, the couple needs to assess their parenting readiness. Some of the most important questions that the couple needs to answer to determine their readiness are:
1. Is your relationship stable
2. Are you prepared to put someone else’s needs ahead of your own?
Once a baby is in the picture, the freedom to do things as one’s wish will become rarer. Babies need a predictable schedule, and they need full attention. If the choice is to stay home with a teething baby or to go to a party, the child needs the parent to say no to the party without a second thought. The child’s needs for comfort and attention should be far more important than the parents desire to get out of the house.
3. Can you realistically afford it?
Babies cost money — lots of money. It’s amazing how a little 8-pound infant starts using up the dollars, and it would only get worse as kids get bigger. To give the child and the parents a good life, the parents need to have a good job, a working partner, substantial savings, or to win the lottery. If one or more of those things are not met, think again before getting pregnant.
Parenting a Child
As most people said and agreed, babies don’t come with an owner’s manual. Every healthy child tests their parents and the limits pretty regularly. The couple needs to think about what kind of parent would they be and how will they learn, are there older parents in the couple’s life that can be mentors, and are there local parent education or support groups.
The decision to make a family by birthing or adopting a child is complicated. None of these questions lends themselves to an easy yes or no answer. But, by thinking about them and by talking about them with a partner or other people who will be the couple’s main supporters, it can help on making a wise decision. In fact, thinking through these issues before bringing a child into the couple’s life will make them a better parent.