Crying is a normal thing that humans do. Sometimes we cry because we feel hurt emotionally (emotional tears), when we peel an onion or irritated by the wind or smoke (reflex tears), and more often when we blink to keep our eyes moist. From these three types of tears, sometimes we feel so ashamed when we cry due to emotional pain. “Tears are for the weak”, that was what some people taught when we were a child. Crying means we are not strong, only seeking attention, and powerless. We feel that we have to hide the pain and hold on tears because people should not know if we are not feeling okay. Jonathan Rotternberg, an emotion researcher and professor of psychology at the University of South Florida, explained that crying is a signal to yourself and other people that there’s a problem that is at least temporarily beyond your ability to deal with. It means emotional tears is the effect from emotional burden that we face. So, it is normal to let the tears down our cheeks and release the pain inside. Unfortunately, negative perception of crying can attack and blame ourselves after crying. The guilt is getting worse when we break down in front of people or in public. We feel ashamed and end up blaming our automatic response.
It is important to comprehend our feeling and tolerate our vulnerability. It is okay to let our tears down when we cannot handle the burden. But, how can we let tears down without blaming ourselves for being weak?
Accept The Fact That You Are Not Okay
Sometimes, we deny ourselves that we are hurt. We think that problem bothers us but not hurting at all. ‘I am okay”, “I am fine”, like a cycle, we do denial after denial. However, denial only hurts us deeper and deeper. People say ‘time will heal’, but the problem is, when we do not accept our state, we will not reach the healing stage. The first thing we have to do is be true to ourselves that we are not okay and we are hurt.
Understand and Believe That Crying Is A Normal Response of Human Being
Some people pour out their feelings through journals, poems, and screams. Some people prefer to talk with friends or go to a psychologist/psychiatry. Crying is just the same, it is a medium for us to release feelings. Like tunnels which cannot handle flash floods that come without warning, so does our emotion when we break down. This is not anyone’s fault because this is natural, just like the tunnels that cannot handle the flash floods.
Letting People See Your Tears As Something That Is Not Humiliating
Some people are afraid of showing their pain because they think it is humiliating. For those people, crying in front of people means they cannot stay strong because they show emotions. This concept ‘do not cry, stay strong’ that was built on these people has grown so strong to the point where they think crying is for the weak. Sometimes we forget that we are human that can feel hurt. Sometimes we are being too harsh on ourselves for not letting us lose our guard. We are scared of revealing their pain to others, in a fragile state, or afraid of rejections when people know that we are having problems. When we let ourselves cry in front of people, it means we are strong enough to show people what we really feel, is a crucial note to remember. We are ready to show our true selves.
The most important thing is, we accept ourselves to the point where we admit that we need help, consolation, and support from others. These actions are showing that we are strong enough to let people see our true feelings, and also prove that we are strong.